Random Translations

- In a Belgrade hotel elevator:  To move cabin, push button for wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

- In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:  Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of Ascension.

- In a Japanese hotel:  You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

- On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

- On the menu of a Polish hotel:  Salad a firms own make, limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumpling in the form of a finger, roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.


---Sally

Random Dumb Deaths

 - A young Canadian man searching for a way to get drunk cheaply mixed gasoline and milk.  Not surprisingly this tasty mix caused him to vomit into the fire place.  The resulting explosion and fire killed both him and his sister.

 - A 30 year old man found dead in his basement died of suffocation.  He was wearing a skirt, bra, black and white shoes and a woman's wig.  He was also wearing a gas mask with a hose attached.  The other end of the hose was connected to a hollow wooden post approx 13 inches long and 3 inches in diameter.  The other end of the post was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown and was the cause of his suffocation.  Police found explaining this to his family "very awkward".

 - In Detroit a 41 year old man got stuck and drowned in 50cm of water after squeezing through a 30cm sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.  A prime example of someone who slipped onto the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking.

 - A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites.  "Very sad" you're thinking, but so?  Turns out playing rattlesnake catch is one of those games that tend to end badly.  The other idiot was hospitalised, but survived.

 - A concerned zookeeper in Paderborn, Germany, fed his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxatives and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes.  Unfortunately it was as he was attempting to give the bunged up patient an olive oil enema that all hell broke loose, and our caring keeper was suffocated under 100kg of pachyderm poop.  I bet his kids tell their friends he was eaten by a lion


---Sally

Random laws

 - If you happen to be in Prague following a nuclear explosion and need to make your escape by taxi, the driver is legally entitled to charge you three times the standard fare.  Yeah!  like you're going to haggle!

 - In Tropea, Italy, women are not allowed to appear nude on a beach if they are "fat, ugly, or generally unattractive."  At a guess this law was passed by "fat, ugly, or generally unattractive" men whose homes over look the beach.

 - Good luck trying to work out if you've broken this Scottish law.  "In the Nuts (unground), (other than ground nuts) Order, the expression shall have reference to such nuts, other than ground nuts, as would but for this amending Order not qualify as nuts(unground)(other than ground nuts) by reason of their begin nuts(unground)"

 - During the reign of Elizabeth 1, a law stated any woman who led a man into marriage through the use of false hair, make up, false hips, high heeled shoes, or other devices, should be punished with the penalties of witchcraft.  Just think!  In earlier times, half the Kardashians wiped out in one hit!

 - In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon over six foot long.  This one i look on as a real challenge.  I'm five foot tall so where the hell would i hide it?

 - And just for fun:- English translation of a road sign in Tokyo.  'When a passenger of the foot moves into sight tootie the horn trumpet.  If he still obstacles your passage, tootie him with vigour and express by word of mouth warning "Hi!!"'

---Sally